Nothing. Why? Did someone say something?
What are your favorite crisps?
Salt and vinegar, although if truth be told I am trying to cut crisps out of my diet. I choose life!
You make a T-shirt with a slogan on it what does it say?
Tell us a joke
This isn't a joke. It is a moral conundrum, told to me by the comedy writer Graham Linehan: You are walking through a forest. You come to a clearing. There in the clearing you find an elderly Hitler. You realize to your horror that he has escaped justice all these years. Hitler tells you he very much enjoys your work. Do you turn him in?
What did you do well today?
I took my son to see King Kong well. And I am trying to write a movie script and I gave my villain a good hobby. And I didn't smoke well.
What did you do badly?
I was friendly to my mother-in-law badly. I fear it may have accidentally come out as not friendly
They make a film about your life, what do they call it?
I'm delighted to say that I don't have to answer this question theoretically. They are calling it Them. Unless they decide they don't want people to be confused with the bug movie from the '50s and change the title. And some other people are trying to make a film based on a story I wrote about taking my son to meet Santa in Lapland and everything going wrong. That's going to be called A Fantastic Life.
Out of 10 how do you feel right now? 1 is suicide, 10's an orgasm.
Who is your favorite person in the world?
Joel, my seven-year-old son.
What word/s did you have trouble pronouncing when you were growing up? Please spell how you pronounced the word/s.
Virginal. One memorable day, when I was fifteen, I pronounced it 'Vaginal' in mixed company.
Name your favorite song? Make a list if you like....
Simon Smith And His Amazing Dancing Bear - Randy Newman
Where Is My Mind? - The Pixies
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Fell In Love With A Girl - White Stripes
Queen Bitch - David Bowie
Positively 4th Street - Bob Dylan
Desperado - Why do I always forget who sung it? Not the Eagles version. The woman. You know.
Me And Bobby McGee - Kris Kristoffersen
Bring The Noise - Public Enemy
Roadrunner - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers.
If I Should Fall From Grace With God - The Pogues
Land of Dreams - Randy Newman
Transformer - Lou Reed
Rockin' And Romance - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers
What happened to your dreams?
Most of them came true. Admittedly not the one about being a pop star. (It turns out that I would have had to be musical). But the other ones came true.
Excluding Back for Good, what was your favorite Take That song?
Could It Be Magic
What is the King of nuts?
What is the Queen of nuts?
What crisps would James Bond eat?
I think James Bond would - like me - choose life.
What is my best song?
Angels. I really like She's The One too, although I read somewhere that you hate it. I don't understand why. Maybe you associate it with some bad experience that occurred whilst you were learning to ice-skate?
What's my worst? Don't worry I won't be offended.
That one where - in the video - you've been arrested by immigration or foreign police. That one passed me by a little. Are you sure you aren't offended?
Who was your hero growing up?
I can't do just one. Tom Waits, Bob Dylan. John Cooper-Clarke. David Bowie. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. Woody Allen.
Name your favorite Mr Man?
You are given a super power, what is it?
Invisibility, although of course those who choose invisibility are crouching, fearful perverts. I should have chosen flight.
Who was your first crush? Do you know them today?
Beth Taylor. I saw her a few months ago in Manchester. She was pregnant with her second child.
Favorite TV show from the 70'sᆀ's and 90's
70s: Mary Mungo And Midge. (Well, it was at the time).
80s: The Tube (Well, it was at the time).
What's a good question for these questionnaires?
Have you ever seen a ghost? If so, describe what happened.
Thank you captain ...I hope that wasn't too stressful.